Love in the ‘IDC’ version.

What has become of us?

are we stones who are incapable of loving?

are we corpses from whom love has long left the soul and body?

or are we humans just knowing how to love selfishly?

you and me, all these years. it feels like we are running in circles. or maybe not. maybe we are always stuck in the same place.

when I think of you, the only way I can describe how I feel is… imagine a one-by-one meter box and we are standing in it. we can lean out of the box, let our hands out and touch and love others, all the while our backs facing each other. and for me, I even try to make myself believe that you must have left the box, and now I am alone. but every time the sun goes down on both of us, I always find my back leaning on yours. no matter how hard I try, I can’t stop falling for the warmth of you even though it's unseen, unrealized, and conveniently denied.

oh, how firmly do I believe that you will never love me that I don’t even try to turn my back to try and see, how you look or what color are your eyes and how much does your skin shine in the sun or admire the curves in your lips.

I know, for some reason, that no matter how you look, I have already fallen for you, and seeing in your eyes will only be a proof of my unbelievable stupidity of falling in love with just someone’s warmth. I love the way I feel when my back touches yours and this is how I am sure I would love you too, I just can’t afford you knowing about it. because there is a very minimal chance of you not leaving the box if I never confess and just act as usual. and a very maximal chance of you leaving once you come to know my curiosities and confusions.

did it all make sense to you? I know it didn’t. that’s why it is so easy for me to write it here in puzzles, so I could give myself just one moment of peace by letting it all out without you knowing it.

maybe I'll regret these feelings and all this blind time spent with you. but I just want to ask, have you ever thought of the possibility of us? of me? of turning back and giving us a chance to find out what it feels like?

anyways, it does not matter, I'll be going really far away soon. if you ever want to gift me a parting gift, just turn back, grab my waist, look me in the eyes and I don’t know…maybe we could kiss and you could give me a moment of belief that we are possible and I promise to keep a lifetime out of that moment.

I am kinda tired, of listening to you get hurt every time. and you know, I am kinda tired of being unseen by you too. hopefully, I'll be able to leave the little box this time. so here, this was my confession and a partial goodbye.

_ to the ones who never really got started with their love story ever.

I know it's hard for the one-sided ones and on some days it's more than hard. seems impossible, isn’t it?

but that only makes us real and really really brave. because we can love without ever getting it back, so it’s okay. wait, until you can or free yourself. I think, loving is not wrong but only until the time you don’t feel unseen. once you do, it’s better to break free. I know it can be hard and you'll always love them, but at least the hope of them turning back for you is gone and maybe that’s the way it is.